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Revolutionary diet consists of only eating wooden furniture

This new supposed diet is described to increase the levels of wood consumption (+99.8% approx.), which is approx. 99.8% higher than the daily recommended amount of wood to be consumed.

02 April 2020 23:51


Practical joke or groundbreaking discovery?

Researchers at a local high school have spread the latest craze around the globe, telling millions of readers, viewers, and friends about the findings in this science experiment gone wrong…

We've discovered something truly incredible, not only does this diet completely reform our current understandings of personal health and wellbeing, but also means that there's less rubbish being thrown away!

Katie McChair, Lead Researcher

The team claim a number of health benefits, some of which include:

  • Less clutter in households worldwide, which leads to more free space. This can lead to an increase in the feeling of freedom in many people's lives.
  • Increasing the carbon levels in our bodies, which have for millions of years been incapable of reaching the adequate enough due to not eating wood, may finally be at their optimum point.
  • Toughening up jaw muscles and teeth
  • Helping those with iron deficiency due to accidental consumption of screws and nails which may be left in furniture prior to eating.

It all seems nearly too good to be true but with no side effects seen so far, the group of teens may have uncovered something groundbreaking after all.

Tables and chairs everywhere have started vanishing from living rooms into living beings, all of a sudden that creepy old rocking chair that grandma used to use is looking awfully appetizing…

On the plus side, furniture store stocks have increased by over 20000% in only 4 days, so if there's anything you should be investing in, maybe leave cryptocurrency, perhaps look into the market of sofas instead.


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