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Software developer arrested and jailed for dealing illegal programming code

Former software developer Sali Aif was caught in a city alleyway dealing USB sticks containing illegal algorithms, including several search and sort functions in several different programming languages, including C++, Ruby, and PHP.

03 April 2020 00:59

You wouldn't download a house

Software crime may not be as obvious and noticeable as physical crime, however, it's a very dangerous subject, with cybersecurity being one of the world's most important roles in modern times.

That's why former developer Sali Aif was sentenced to 420 years in a high-security prison with no chance of parole for at least 284. The life-long criminal, with a long history of algorithm dealing and function executing, pleaded guilty to several crimes, including:

  • 75 counts of procedure possession
  • 34 counts of not using enough comments in his programs
  • 21 counts of using a light theme while coding
  • 11 counts of distributing illegal search and sort algorithms
  • 6 counts of unnecessarily long sleep functions
  • 4 counts of not having enough whitespace and incorrect indentation

It's a real shame that things like using light theme and immoral function executing still happen to this day, I dream of a day where the correct use of whitespace is commonplace, but for now, we have a job to do, and do it we will.

Billy "Big Boy" Beckon, MI5

But wait, there's more

On the 29th of March 2020, Mr Aif was put behind bars to never see the light again, or so everybody thought…

Not 3 days later, the mastermind criminal went missing, prison guards soon found a tunnel, just a few feet away from the completely open ventilation shaft which somehow, no prisoners have escaped from yet, despite the absence of security cameras and personnel in the entire area.

Some inmates witnessed the escape, but chose not to let the guards know:

He's a real mad lad, got to give the man some respect. I suspect he'll be back on the streets dealing JavaScript procedures in no time.

A witness of the grand escape

Perhaps be a little more careful around the streets at night, If a shady man offers you search algorithms then please report it to a local computing department. In the meantime, be on the lookout for more news articles featuring our escapist…

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